Friday, 18 November she goes home. I was in Kerala for the whole week, had asked her whether we could meet, but she left through train. May be she didn want to make me come to the railway station. I got a reply for my text after she left. She was home, two days of rejoiced memories were supposed to be with her when she came back. And i didn want to be her show spoiler, so didn contact her nor texted her on both the days. I was all here in Bengaluru, finding time for lot of my friends, meeting them, hanging out, partying hard! It was indeed a totally occupied weekend which began right from Friday night and ended on Monday Morning! ;)
With this sleepy n freaky face, i woke up at 7 in the morning, reached home at 8 and freshened up n left to Office. Thanks to my boss, as he was not there, which made me a bit relaxed for the day to come. And there was her call at around 11.30. My brains began thinking in all possible ways, why she's calling. Later i decided not to think much, as it was a Call! Just a Call!! I picked, we started speaking. I didn come out of Office, and my colleague is sitting next to my cubicle, possibly listening to what i was talking. I told her what n all i did in the two days n three nights! She listened to it all :). Later she starts telling me about what happened back at her place.As it was her cousin's engagement, she met a lot of relatives! And yo know how it is to be a bachelor in front of them. She said that someone came to her parents, took her Kundali and went itseems. The next thing i hear on my phone is her crying! She is crying out with such deep pain, i never saw this side of bubbly ever before! I couldn tolerate it! I asked her a several times what it was, what it was, but she never said anything. She said that everything thats happening around her is kind of against her and she is completely lost not knowing what to do! The first thought that came in me was that i should have been next to her at that moment! I said that i am coming to her in the night and sorting everything out! As always, she said that she'll be fine and asked me not to be there.
Later we started saying that there were a lot of phase changes happening in her life, and she's not able to digest it easily! She has a lot of plans over her career, and she's being forced to go against her will which will surely affect her real bad! A glimpse of it was what i saw/ heard/ felt yesterday. The worried side of bubbly was there yesterday! And thinking about it just makes me feel shit scared as to how she would manage it later on in the years to come. She later said that her uncle had told her in a sarcastic manner, "Marry someone in our caste itself, dont go behind some monkey of other caste". These words of that man made here think a lot and hurt her real bad! I asked her to talk about this to her mom. She needs to talk to them, listen only to them! not to someone whom she has never seen before!! Finally i felt that she was feeling for her family :). I was happy for her! All this while she used to be a lonely soul, and now she realizes the need of her dear ones, Her Family!!
As she was in her Aunt's place, and had to leave to Office, she said that would call later. Me, on the other hand couldn bear the silence of hers. I was deep into her thoughts thinking of how to sort her feelings, what best that i could do to make her feel relaxed n happy. I felt that the best way to do that would be to meet that in the night! With the same intention, i left to my home from Office, waited for bharath to come so that we could finish our dinner, and that i would leave. I texted her in the mean time and asked what time she'd be done with work. She called back saying not to come, and that she was doing good. However, in the morning she was feeling very sick about it and wanted to share it. She said that she might get late while leaving Office and it would not be very appropriate to meet. Inspite of that, i was not at all ready to be at home. My instinct said Go..Go...Go.. later decided that it would be better if i'd given some free space to her. So i came back directly from Dinner to home.
12 in the midnight, she called :). Till then i was sitting alone, thinking what time she would be reaching home, and whether i should ve gone or not. She spoke nicely for 30 secs i guess, and started to cry again :( This time, i too couldn tolerate! I could feel myself the way i was melting for her tears. I didn know what to say, what to do! I was totally clueless. I then told her that i should have been next to her. Now that she was crying, how would i console her on phone. And she replied "It is already late chethan"
She Dropped the Call.
I was brainstruck for a while! Mind had nothing running within, feeling that i was a chutia who couldn realise how badly she wanted me to be there! Till now i felt i was a loser, now i realised that i am one, big time! I called her back, said that i was comin to her, she again insisted not to come. After sometime, she seemed to get better. She spoke about her Dad, how she used to trouble him when she was a kid. Whatever anyone else used to say, she used to be the opposite to it. Whenever Uncle came to pamper her, she used to run away, when he says that he wont pamper then she only used to fall on him :) It was so Good to listen to all those words from her. She was so damn excited while tellin about it, i felt that i was the most blessed then! The enthu she had while speaking, the energy carried yesterday, was the best ever i ve seen in her :)
I realised it finally! The actualization one person will come up with after years of needs n satisfactions. The feel of being a Friend :) The feel of being one person who is considered very special and shared with every part of our life. I saw that in her! The need for a friend who will be there for her anytime, everytime, all the time! I know that i will never be away from her. I cant be actually!! She says not to worry abt her all the time, that she is a problem for me..but i really don understand how she would be a problem! Caring for her is something which gives me immense pleasure..or in other words "The Energy" for everything. I do not even think about anything else when she is with me. That is something which i know is really important considering the loss of it till now!
She says that she has to be isolated from everyone, and has decided to be so! I never asked her whether i too would be in that list, fearing the fact if all at she does so! Now she wants to concentrate only on her family and not the rest, coz she's started realising how much family means to her :) Good that she realised.
With this sleepy n freaky face, i woke up at 7 in the morning, reached home at 8 and freshened up n left to Office. Thanks to my boss, as he was not there, which made me a bit relaxed for the day to come. And there was her call at around 11.30. My brains began thinking in all possible ways, why she's calling. Later i decided not to think much, as it was a Call! Just a Call!! I picked, we started speaking. I didn come out of Office, and my colleague is sitting next to my cubicle, possibly listening to what i was talking. I told her what n all i did in the two days n three nights! She listened to it all :). Later she starts telling me about what happened back at her place.As it was her cousin's engagement, she met a lot of relatives! And yo know how it is to be a bachelor in front of them. She said that someone came to her parents, took her Kundali and went itseems. The next thing i hear on my phone is her crying! She is crying out with such deep pain, i never saw this side of bubbly ever before! I couldn tolerate it! I asked her a several times what it was, what it was, but she never said anything. She said that everything thats happening around her is kind of against her and she is completely lost not knowing what to do! The first thought that came in me was that i should have been next to her at that moment! I said that i am coming to her in the night and sorting everything out! As always, she said that she'll be fine and asked me not to be there.
Later we started saying that there were a lot of phase changes happening in her life, and she's not able to digest it easily! She has a lot of plans over her career, and she's being forced to go against her will which will surely affect her real bad! A glimpse of it was what i saw/ heard/ felt yesterday. The worried side of bubbly was there yesterday! And thinking about it just makes me feel shit scared as to how she would manage it later on in the years to come. She later said that her uncle had told her in a sarcastic manner, "Marry someone in our caste itself, dont go behind some monkey of other caste". These words of that man made here think a lot and hurt her real bad! I asked her to talk about this to her mom. She needs to talk to them, listen only to them! not to someone whom she has never seen before!! Finally i felt that she was feeling for her family :). I was happy for her! All this while she used to be a lonely soul, and now she realizes the need of her dear ones, Her Family!!
As she was in her Aunt's place, and had to leave to Office, she said that would call later. Me, on the other hand couldn bear the silence of hers. I was deep into her thoughts thinking of how to sort her feelings, what best that i could do to make her feel relaxed n happy. I felt that the best way to do that would be to meet that in the night! With the same intention, i left to my home from Office, waited for bharath to come so that we could finish our dinner, and that i would leave. I texted her in the mean time and asked what time she'd be done with work. She called back saying not to come, and that she was doing good. However, in the morning she was feeling very sick about it and wanted to share it. She said that she might get late while leaving Office and it would not be very appropriate to meet. Inspite of that, i was not at all ready to be at home. My instinct said Go..Go...Go.. later decided that it would be better if i'd given some free space to her. So i came back directly from Dinner to home.
12 in the midnight, she called :). Till then i was sitting alone, thinking what time she would be reaching home, and whether i should ve gone or not. She spoke nicely for 30 secs i guess, and started to cry again :( This time, i too couldn tolerate! I could feel myself the way i was melting for her tears. I didn know what to say, what to do! I was totally clueless. I then told her that i should have been next to her. Now that she was crying, how would i console her on phone. And she replied "It is already late chethan"
She Dropped the Call.
I was brainstruck for a while! Mind had nothing running within, feeling that i was a chutia who couldn realise how badly she wanted me to be there! Till now i felt i was a loser, now i realised that i am one, big time! I called her back, said that i was comin to her, she again insisted not to come. After sometime, she seemed to get better. She spoke about her Dad, how she used to trouble him when she was a kid. Whatever anyone else used to say, she used to be the opposite to it. Whenever Uncle came to pamper her, she used to run away, when he says that he wont pamper then she only used to fall on him :) It was so Good to listen to all those words from her. She was so damn excited while tellin about it, i felt that i was the most blessed then! The enthu she had while speaking, the energy carried yesterday, was the best ever i ve seen in her :)
I realised it finally! The actualization one person will come up with after years of needs n satisfactions. The feel of being a Friend :) The feel of being one person who is considered very special and shared with every part of our life. I saw that in her! The need for a friend who will be there for her anytime, everytime, all the time! I know that i will never be away from her. I cant be actually!! She says not to worry abt her all the time, that she is a problem for me..but i really don understand how she would be a problem! Caring for her is something which gives me immense pleasure..or in other words "The Energy" for everything. I do not even think about anything else when she is with me. That is something which i know is really important considering the loss of it till now!
She says that she has to be isolated from everyone, and has decided to be so! I never asked her whether i too would be in that list, fearing the fact if all at she does so! Now she wants to concentrate only on her family and not the rest, coz she's started realising how much family means to her :) Good that she realised.
